Decluttering — crossing the emotional barrier

How to declutter when its emotionally hard?

My husband walks in through our room door. He finds me sitting on the room floor with piles of clothes stacked all around me. I follow his eyes glancing around the room. There are clothes everywhere. He looks at me. Just as he is about to say something—I say, “Don’t. I know. Just don’t say it. I am already struggling to de-clutter my wardrobe. It’s hard”

That was few years ago.

Emotional attachment – I get it

I have always loved the idea of minimalist living. In fact, I am huge fan. I have read books by Marie Kondo and the Minimalists, which had some great techniques, methods and thoughts. But all these amazing theories went out of the window every time I actually went through a decluttering session.

A lot of us find it emotionally very hard to let go off stuff. It’s that inner turmoil, an emotional battle every single time. And we do a great job of justifying that stuff too. In my case, living in a place like Canberra, where one can experience all four seasons in one day, multiple times a year, I justified that I needed all those clothes. Or my beautiful mum gave me that piece so I surely can’t part with it. Or my kids made those cute little art-works so those are definitely not going.

Less is more

But after going through multiple decluttering rounds (and now succeeding at those too) over the years, I realised that the more stuff we had, the more trapped we felt. By having less stuff, we started having more time for things that actually mattered, like spending time with our kids, or finding my reason for being. ‘Less’ started becoming ‘more’.

A cluttered environment was creating an inner ‘heaviness’ that I was carrying with me at all times, which in turn created an inner tension. By contrast, a simple visual field created an inner ‘lightness’; I felt more relaxed and less irritable.

Moreover, the joyous feeling of living in a light, clutter-free house, surrounded by only items that add value to our life is an amazing feeling. I slowly and conscientiously started crossing that emotional barrier. I have never looked back since.

Crossing the emotional barrier — decluttering techniques (tried and tested multiple times)

This post is for those of us, who love the idea of living light but feel controlled by your stuff. For those who can almost feel the bliss of a beautiful, clutter-free house but find it hard to cross that emotional barrier.

I am listing down exactly what I did to declutter my house to claim back my space and life. If these tips can help anyone at all on their decluttering journey, as they have helped me, that would be absolutely wonderful!

Tip 1: Set achievable goals

Before you start your decluttering session, keep your goals in front of you (please do this – it really does help!). Why are you wanting to de-clutter in the first place? Are you looking for increased productivity or you simply want your charming house back? Mine was to claim my time back. But as a bonus I also felt this sense of freedom. Not only did this process give me more time with my family, but I also felt a huge burden had been lifted off. Having clear goals will keep you on track and help you stay motivated when you feel derailed or overwhelmed.

Tip 2: Start small and I mean really small

Take it one step at a time. The number one recipe for feeling overwhelmed with clutter is when you try to tackle the entire room / house at once. Instead, break it down into small categories (more on this below) or areas. For example, if you choose areas, I would start with one of the easiest drawers (which I knew already had some things to toss). Once completed, it gives you a boost of confidence and sense of achievement to go on to the next one and so on.

Tip 3: Categorise your stuff

Put your stuff into categories and then into sub categories, if required. For example, if clothes is one category, then scarves can be its sub category. The idea is to see all scarves in one place together so you can see how many you own, don’t wear anymore and so on. Other categories could be books, collectibles, kitchenware, sheets and covers, papers, kids notebooks and supplies, momentos, toiletries, etc. Tackle only one category, or if its too much, one sub-category, at a time.

Tip 4: Box your decluttered items straight away

Designate a box in which you put all the ‘decluttered’ items from the house. Once you have decided to remove an item from your house, just box it straight away. Don’t linger on it, thinking what you will do with it in terms of donating, selling, or trashing it. That can come later. This is because every time you decide to take out an item, and then think if you should donate, pass on, or sell it, it somehow overwhelms us, and finds its way back in the ‘keep’ pile.

Also, once the items are boxed, have a rule that come, what, may, those items will not find a way back in the house. In fact, make sure you drive it out of the house the same day. At the very least, load it in your car boot there and then. That’s it. There. Is. No. Other. Option. You have got this.

Tip 5: Sentimental items – the hardest one, but with an easy solution

All the items with emotional value attached to them, it’s important to remember that the item itself is not the memory or the emotion. Our memories are not in to those things. Our memories are with the person or experiences related to those things. Our memories are inside us. Consider taking a photo or writing down a special memory to keep with you instead of holding onto the physical item. Consider taking pics of your kids’ artwork.

Picture the person who lovingly gave you that item. For me, it’s my mom. I ask myself would she have been happier knowing that I am living in this continuous dilemma and guilt, or would she want me to be stress free and lighter? When I got my answer, I decided to keep only the most special things from her, and donated the rest (which also helped the community in turn). Now I truly enjoy those few items as they are always in my sight of vision and because I can manage them easily.

Tip 6: Get help

I don’t know how this works psychologically, but getting help or that validation from a sibling, close friend, mom or husband really helps to let go. It is okay to ask for help if you need it. Having someone there to support you and offer a fresh perspective can make the process easier. In my case I get my husband because I know he can be ruthless when it comes to things that are not serving any purpose. Getting that validation for something that I was already doubting, makes it easier for me.

Moving forward

Make decluttering a regular habit. Decluttering your home is not a one-time task – it’s something that should be done on a regular basis to maintain an organised home. We now do it once in 6 months. Even though we don’t accumulate as much clutter any more, but still every single time we finish the process we have that je ne sais quoi moment!.

In conclusion, decluttering is not about having less and less. It is about knowing what you really want and what truly matters to you. A decluttered home will leave you feeling lighter and more relaxed. It will get rid of the inner weight and baggage you are carrying around. It doesn’t just create extra physical space. It also creates extra inner space, which you can then fill with more meaningful experiences, interactions, and more importantly, with more worthwhile memories. You decide what’s more important.