My dear son…I see you

To my dear son with a heart of gold

I see you.

Through your worries, apprehensions and sensory overloads everyday

I see you.

When you come home without a birthday party invite (yet again!)

I see you.

The pained and distressed expression on your face.

When you enthusiastically run up to say hello to acquaintances and teachers as we run into them in malls in your shrilled, excited voice, and you don’t get a response,

I see you.

Your quizzical, confused face that looks up to me as if saying “mum, why didn’t they respond to me?”

I hear you.

When your innocent heart does not understand when you are being bullied by older kids, and you laugh with them – when you just cannot understand that people can be rude because you don’t understand a joke,

I see you.

When your fondness of making friends, hugging people and wanting to talk to everyone around is not reciprocated, or worse, reciprocated with forced smiles,

I see you.

As perceptive and smart as you are, you ask me ‘Mumma, why are they not happy to see me?’

I hear you.

When you want to hold hands with your friends to show that you care, and they do not wish to hold hands in return,

I see you — as you say to me, “but mumma I am being kind to them” 

When I apologise to people for your meltdowns sometimes

You see (through) me

That tears me apart, and I fill with guilt

You just look at me and stay quiet,

I see you

 I just want to hold you, hug you, and say don’t worry about anyone else

I get you, I see you, I love you.

ALWAYS.